What is the Shell Show?

The Shell Show is a late-night talk show that for some reason books mostly Superheroes.

 

Wait - so it's not a show about seashells?

No, contrary to popular belief.

 

What time is it on?

11:35 PM EST, 12:46 AM LRH

 

What's LRH?
The time zone on L Ron Hubbard's yacht.

Why can't I find it listed in my TV Guide?
Seriously, who still reads TV Guide? You probably can't find it listed because you

hit your head on your Victrola after you tripped over your abacus.

Ok fine, why can't I find it listed on my DVR?
You will, just keep scrolling.

 

I've been scrolling for 45 minutes and I still haven't found it.
Wow you have a lot of free time on your hands. You should look into stop-motion.

What channel is The Shell Show on?
Channel Shut the Hell Up.

Does Shell only interview superheroes?
No, he interviews the same stupid idiots you see on the other talk shows as well.

How come your site doesn't have clips of any of those interviews?
Gotta save something for the blog.

There's a blog?

There was. It got shut down by the Department of Homeland Security. Something about

revealing American nuclear secrets to the Iranians.

How do you get so many superheroes to appear on the show?
Roofies and blackmail.

How can I get tickets to a taping?
Roofies and blackmail.

Where is the show taped?
You know Bruce Wayne's penthouse in The Dark Knight?

Yes.
Not there.

Why does the Shell Show look like poorly produced stop-motion?
Have you ever used a cell phone?

Yes.
That's why.

Is Shell the host's first or last name?
Yes.

So is he an alien or what?
Shell likes to think of himself as a Man of Leisure.

What did he do before he became a talk show host?
Jenga salesman.

What can you tell me about Shell's personal life?
Roofies and blackmail.

Are the new episodes broadcast in HD?
Uh, sure.

Do you even know what HD stands for?
Yes, but this is a family show.

How many seasons has the Shell Show been on?
Almost 28. 29 if you count that year on the Federal Penitentiary Closed Circuit TV network.

How come you only have like a season's worth of shows on your website?
The first 28 seasons were lost in a fire.

A fire? Where was your warehouse located?
In a  flamethrower factory.

Why on earth would you keep your tape library in a flamethrower factory??
Because it was a frikkin' flamethrower factory! Don't be lame.

If I write Shell a fan a letter, will he write me back?
Depends. Are you a hot chick?

 

Uh, sure.
Will you be sending a naked picture?

 

Um...no.
Next question.

What's Shell's e-mail address?
Shell@TheShellShow.com

If I e-mail him, will I get any spam?
Of course not. That influx of Nigerians trying to sell you V!@gr@ is completely coincidental.

Does Nigerian Viagra actually work?
Niger please.

How come you've never had my favorite superhero on the show?
Because your favorite superhero is probably Dazzler.

What's wrong with Dazzler?
Let's just say her superpower has less to do with light and more to do with filing

successful sexual harassment lawsuits.

Your press release says that The Shell Show is the 17th most popular late night talk show

on television, but there aren't that many late night talk shows.
Well, it turns out that Nielsen categorizes infomercials as talk shows.

When will old Shell Shows be released on Blu-Ray?
Right after the VHS release.

They stopped making VHS's.
Crap. I really need to start reading the trades again.

Is it true that Shell steals most of his jokes from Jimmy Fallon?
Absolutely not. Shell steals most of his jokes from Carlos Mencia.

Does The Shell Show ever have musical guests?
We try, but the musicians rarely end up playing anything.

Why?
Our studio used to house a meth lab, and the musicians' dressing room was the stockroom.

So there was a meth lab there before your show moved in?
Yeah...before...

Did you clear the meth out?
It's cheaper to let the musical guests do it.

Is that why you've booked Lana Del Rey 40 times in the past month?
We don't book her, she just shows up.

Is it true that Shell is using the show as a cover to smuggle Guatamalan orphan slaves

into the country and forcing them to wrestle weasels for snake meat?
Of course not. They're not slaves, they're interns.

What's the difference?
The quality of the snake meat.

I think Shell might be the father of my baby.
Who?

Shell.
I think you have the wrong show. This is the FAQ for Dr. Phil.

No it's not, it's The Shell Show.
Never heard of it.

It says "The Shell Show" at the top of this page.

No it doesn't. That says "Dr. Phil."

 

You're not going to get rid of me that easily. My baby needs diapers and a Ferrari car seat!

 

Hello?

 

F.A.Q.

​© Copyright 2016. Many people were harmed in the making of this series.